found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
