a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize