The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
