I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
