watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
