i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
