I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
