I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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