i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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