...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
