Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
