We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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