This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
