is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
