no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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