Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
