Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
