in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
