Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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