Is it because I queefed?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
