Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
