Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
