I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize