yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize