Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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