i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you traded sex for a burrito?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
