i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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