I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
