I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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