dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
