Where is the hickey?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
