I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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