I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
