I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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