she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
