WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize