8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
