So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
