it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
