you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize
