ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You took a bar mat shot.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
