I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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