My liver just broke up with me...
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
