Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
