It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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