covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
