your parents love me but you hate me
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
