Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Randomize
