wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize