I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
