he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
