he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
