you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
