I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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