my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
