i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
