According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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