Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
