So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
