What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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