Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
