I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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