my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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