Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
