isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
