I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize
