so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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