Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
