FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
