If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
