I met the friendliest cop last night
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
