to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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