This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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