This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
