You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
