You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
