my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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