maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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